


The Way

by th1rteen



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2015-03-26
Packaged: 2018-03-19 19:40:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3621852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/th1rteen/pseuds/th1rteen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reunion fic: Set during and after Doomsday. The Doctor finds a way</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this back in 2011. Transferring it over from Fanfiction.net
> 
> I'm also re-formatting a bit and editing...
> 
> Also, anything even seeming remotely familiar, is not mine.

The maelstrom of emotions that assaulted the Doctor in the last few minutes was nothing short of excruciating.

Triumph in knowing that once again he saved the Earth and mankind.

Fear because nothing ever truly goes as planned and there was always the possibility that the enemy could appear at any moment and end his victory.

Resignation because he always knew she'd have to leave him and even though being right was powerful, just this once he really wanted to be wrong.

Pain when she disappeared because Pete pressed the button.

Startled joy when she reappeared at his side and even after he grabbed her far too harshly she simply said "I made my choice a long time ago, and I'm never gonna leave you."

Exhilaration as the void opens and Cybermen and Daleks are sucked in.

Abject terror as she reached for the lever, releasing the MagnaClamp, and the void opened again.

Horror as she screamed and lost her grip on the lever.

Incomparable relief as Pete appeared to catch her.

Shock as she once again disappeared into Pete's world.

And finally desolation as the void closed and he realized that she is gone. Forever.

He walked slowly up to the wall that has just sealed, laid one palm flat against it, and then rested his head there, empty. He felt as if somehow the wall between the universes is still thin. That he can feel her on the other side of this wall, like she's not a universe away. He doesn't really know how long he stayed there, it can't be long, but for a Time Lord to not quantify time to its precise nanosecond is a monumental feat.

At last he let his hand slide down the wall and turned to make his way back to the TARDIS.

When onboard, he talked to the TARDIS. Or maybe to himself. "I knew she'd be gone one day." He reasoned. "Read it in the timelines. Only way to keep her safe. I planned it this way. It was all part of the scheme, the victory, part of the spoils of war, consequences of the actions, the equal and opposite reaction, the moral at the end of the story." He stopped. The will to babble has left him and he wonders how this world will carry on without her.

Or maybe he wonders how he will carry on. But that is ridiculous isn't it? President of the High Council of the Time Lords, Keeper of the Legacy of Rassilon, Defender of the Laws of Time and Protector of Gallifrey, The Bringer of Darkness, The Oncoming Storm, surely the loss of one pink and yellow human wasn't going to affect him that traumatically. He would go on.

"What is this feeling? This emptiness. Is this heart break? It's stifling. It's hard to breathe and impossible to think." And he is overwhelmed. Clutching his stomach he doubles over in pain. In regret. In longing. Tears he didn't know he was capable of shedding were rolling down his face in rivers.

"I didn't get to say goodbye." He gasped.

"I didn't get to say goodbye." He whispered.

"I didn't get to say goodbye." He shouted.

"I didn't get to say goodbye." He screamed.

Crumpling to the floor, he huddled into himself, overcome.

"There must be a way. Just a moment. A message. Closure. I have to have that much." And suddenly he is obsessed with it. With the idea that saying goodbye could relieve this unbearable ache. "How?" He asks no one and everyone. Asks the entire universe and no one at all, "How can I say goodbye?"

An idea tickles his brain. His expansive, superior, Time Lord brain. And he's almost able to stop shaking. Almost.

x13x


	2. Chapter 2

"Rose." He whispered. It's the first time he's been able to say her name. It's more painful than he feared.

"Rose..." She's far from this place.

"Rose... Rose... Rose." A mantra, a prayer to gods he didn't believe in.

It took ages he was sure. But she was close now.

"Rose..."

"Where are you?" she asked as he materialized somewhat translucently on the deserted beach.

"Inside the TARDIS. There's one tiny little gap in the universe left, just about to close. And it takes a lot of power to send this projection. I'm in orbit around a super nova." He laughed softly. "I'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye." He's torn. Not sure what he's feeling. Relief that he could accomplish this, a bittersweet happiness that she is near him, a hope that he will somehow survive when the hole closes and a burning knowledge that he won't.

She shakes her head "You look like a ghost."

"Hold on..." He takes his sonic screwdriver and points it at the console hoping that the adjustment will strengthen his projection.

Rose walked over to him and raised a hand to touch his face. "Can I t-?"

If only…"I'm still just an image. No touch."

"Can't you come through properly?" She asked, her voice trembling.

"The whole thing would fracture. Two universes would collapse."

"So?"

The Doctor smiles and they watch each other for a few moments before he looks around at their surroundings.

"Where are we? Where did the gap come out?"

"We're in Norway."

"Norway. Right."

"About fifty miles out of Bergen. It's called 'Dårlig Ulv Stranden'."

"Dalek?"The Doctor is surprised.

"Dårl-IG." She enunciates. "It's Norwegian for 'bad'."

The Doctor is still slightly confused and continues to stare at her. She continued, "This translates as 'Bad Wolf Bay'."

They both laugh. Although the Doctor feels like fate is having a laugh at him even now.

"How long have we got?" Her voice is breaking. He's breaking inside.

"About two minutes." Not long enough. Never long enough.

"I can't think of what to say!" She laughs a little as she says this. He does too and then glances over to her , Pete and Mickey are waiting by the Jeep.

"You've still got Mr. Mickey, then?" He tells himself he said it so that he knows she's not alone. But it tears at him. To know that Mickey is there with her and he can't be. Not ever again.

"There's five of us now. Mum, Dad, Mickey... and the baby."

It CAN'T be. "You're not...?" He's afraid to finish the sentence. But he has no claim on her.

"No." She laughs, "Its mum."

The Doctor laughs with some relief and looks over at Jackie.

"She's three months gone. More Tylers on the way."

He can't help but pick at the wound "And what about you? Are you...?"

"Yeah, I'm- I'm back working in the shop."

He nods but expected more. She's so brilliant to him. "Oh, good for you."

She laughs at him "Shut up. No, I'm not. There's still a Torchwood on this planet, it's open for business." Tears start to form in her eyes, "I think I know a thing or two about aliens."

He's so proud of her, "Rose Tyler. Defender of the Earth." He stares at her a moment longer. "You're dead, officially, back home. So many people died that day and you've gone missing. You're on a list of the dead." Rose begins to quietly cry. "Here you are." He says with a small smile. "Living a life day after day. The one adventure I can never have." He's breaking.

Rose is sobbing more powerfully now. "Am I ever gonna see you again?"

His reply is soft and full of despair "You can't".

"What're you gonna do?"

He can't tell her the truth, that he doesn't know how to go on alone anymore. So he tries to brush it off. "Oh, I've got the TARDIS. Same old of life, last of the Time Lords."

But she sees through him. She always does. "On your own?"

He just nods silently. Knowing that he can't keep up the pretending. She watches him, heartbroken, tears falling. "I lo—" She chokes on her tears before she can finish. She takes a moment. "I love you." Then shudders as she sobs.

Somehow he knew that. "Quite right, too." He always knew. She nods, smiling at him through her tears. He looks at her longingly. "And I suppose... if it's one last chance to say it..." He pauses, gathering himself and locking eyes with her. "Rose Tyler..." But the crack closes before he can finish and she's in her universe and he's alone again in his. His time is up. Time that he is Lord of, his play thing, has finally and resolutely bitten him.

The Doctor stands alone in the TARDIS, eyes filled with tears which are spilling down his cheeks, his mouth already open to form the words he never got to say. He swallows hard, closing his eyes with a heavy heart. He rubs his hands over his eyes, wiping the tears away, takes a deep breath and then turns his attention to the TARDIS console, pushing the buttons and levers as he walks slowly around it without any of his former enthusiasm.

x13x


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is actually reading this, I feel the need to explain: I know this is where Donna makes her grand appearance and I LOVE Donna (my favorite character) but it wouldn't work with the story. So I humbly apologize for rewriting DW history in this way.

For the Doctor, time went by in agonizing slowness. To say he was more aware of the constant and irreversible ticking of each second was an understatement. Minutes took hours. Hours took days and it was a lifetime ago that he was even close to a smile.

He took to sleeping in her room. It was the only way he could sleep, even long after the smell of her disappeared, he still imagined it there and that alone comforted him. If there was ever a doubt in his mind that he loved her, it was long erased, along with his hope. Life lost its color. Everything was in shades of grey. And he knew exactly what William Cowper meant when he said "Absence from whom we love is worse than death, and frustrates hope severer than despair." He would embrace death now and began to wonder if a Time Lord could die of broken hearts. But as he seemed to be fate's fool, he'd probably just regenerate.

He ventured into civilization when there were worlds to save, or he felt the TARDIS walls closing in on him. Companions came and went. No one actually stayed on. They couldn't. He was locked in his own pain and the silence was deafening. He of the endless gob was quiet as a tomb.

The Doctor thought of her constantly. He wondered what her life was like now. How did time pass in that universe? Would she have moved on and forgotten him? That notion brought fresh pain to his ailing hearts. But the alternative, that she was in as much pain as he was, that thought was too much for him to bear. He wanted her life to be fantastic, whether or not she was by his side, although he was absolutely sure which one he preferred.

The TARDIS played silent vigil to his desolation until, she intervened.

x13x

The Doctor was roaming the halls of the TARDIS and came upon the library and was compelled to enter. Having not had the slightest interest or impulse to do anything at all in so long, feeling anything other than lonely and helpless was welcome, so he crossed the threshold and sat in the oversized chair he used to share. With her.

Just as an even deeper emptiness was filling him he realized he sat on something. He pulled a book on astrophysics and wormhole theory from under the seat cushion. The text was in terrible condition and covered in dust and he wondered how it could possibly have gotten in its current location. He picked the book up and carefully put it in its rightful place, took another turn around the room and with a sigh, left.

Trying to convince himself that a cup of tea could help thaw his insides, he made his way to the galley. He banged cupboards searching for the kettle, which somehow manifested in the refrigerator and then sought the tea. He was mumbling to himself about seeing that things are placed in their proper spots when he came across another book. Oddly enough, it was the same book on astrophysics and wormhole theory. Pondering how the book got into the galley and wondering why he had two of them, he forgot his tea and walked back to the library to put the book away.

He again emerged from the library and made his way to the console. Not really having the urge to go anywhere, but feeling the need to move from his spot, he began to flip switches and press buttons. Once finished he collapsed into the jump seat, his limited momentum spent. But he jumps up again when he realizes that once again he has landed on something hard. Again, he's sat on a book of astrophysics and wormhole theory, the same book of astrophysics and wormhole theory. Staring at the book and grabbing the back of his neck in confusion, he thinks he may have finally lost his mind. He doesn't remember having three copies of the same book, and even if he did, wouldn't he remember leaving it on the jump seat? He could excuse those under the cushion in the library and in the galley, but the jump seat he was in more often than not.

Again he went to the library to return the book. Just as he turned from the shelf, which now contained three of the same book, all three fell on his head. He would later swear that the TARDIS harrumphed at him.

"Trying to tell me something were you? You know there are easier ways than trying to brain me."

Sitting on the floor he opened one of the books and started reading.

Two hours, thirty seven minutes and sixty eight point three four seconds later he sprang up from the floor and bounded out of the library, taking all three copies of the book with him.

He placed the books around the console, knowing that he could be in any spot when he needed to reference the material within. Darting around making adjustments, banging with his mallet, speaking in little outbursts, finally showing signs of life again. Stopping occasionally to read a passage or two and muttering "of course!" or "Brilliant!" as he danced around the console.

Nearly four days later he stopped and his melancholy returned as he realized that although he now has the means to get her back, he has no idea how to find the universe she is in. "The possibilities are endless. It's like having the road but no destination. I could try until the end of time and never find her."

But the TARDIS isn't done yet. She has one more piece of information. On the console monitor she flashes a picture of a key. He stares at it for a time before grinning maniacally and exclaiming "Brilliant! I can track her TARDIS key!"

Finally a purpose. A direction and momentum. A problem he could solve that could save him.

x13x


	4. Chapter 4

As the Doctor finished modifying the TARDIS to suit this need, he read on about a portal to be constructed. The book stated that although communication was possible utilizing this doorway, the being opening the portal could not be the one to pass through it. Unlike cracks in the universe which could be passed through on either side, doing considerable and irreparable damage to both sides, this dimensional wormhole transport was accomplished through a coordinated effort between universes, leaving both intact. However, opening a gateway of this type consumes considerable energy from both the environment and the traveler and the larger the portal and the longer it remains open, the more energy is necessary to fuel it. It went on to lay out plans for this doorway but did not explain how much energy was necessary, or the ratio of energy to time and size except to say that it would detrimental to life sustaining planets to operate this mechanism in their vicinity.

He worked tirelessly, relentlessly, without regard for anything beyond accomplishing this feat. It HAD to work, there was no other possibility. He was meticulous, alarmingly so. Measuring and remeasuring and remeasuring again. Calculating and recalculating and just to be sure, calculating again. There were times he was disgusted with himself for taking so long to construct the gateway, his impatience and longing getting the better of him. Then he'd finally move on to another aspect of the project and wonder if he had checked his work enough. After all there was no room for error, he was going to transport her here and he couldn't afford any mistakes, not now, not when he finally found hope again.

Power was a problem. He wasn't sure how much power was enough and what the consequences of using that power would be. He decided to try another supernova, one far from any planet that could observe his interference, to see what that gave him the ability to open and for how long. If he had to find more fuel he'd move on to black dwarf stars, maybe even white dwarfs and hope that would be enough. These stars would be close to the end of their lifetimes anyway. He wanted to think he wouldn't succumb to burning up larger and younger stars, possibly creating black holes, just for his own selfish need to feel whole again, but he wasn't sure he was strong enough to promise that to the universe.

The console room was nearly unrecognizable by the time he was finished. Wire and cable littered the room, strung from every imaginable surface and connected to countless machines. The portal itself stood near the door, looking a lot like a mirror, the frame without the glass.

He realized that he'd have to either try to find some way to communicate with the other side, or somehow place the portal so that she'd fall into it. A thought hit him hard, in the gut. "What if she doesn't want this? What if she's moved on?" Stopping abruptly he closed his eyes and pondered whether it was better to leave well enough alone, try to forget the past, maybe they were never meant to be.

This was fear stopping him. Fear of rejection, the same fear that probably stopped him from telling her how he felt for so long that now it might be too late. And he got angry. But the anger was properly directed. Right back at his own chest. "Knowing is better than wondering, waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst rejection, beats the hell out of never trying."

With his words echoing around the TARDIS, he flew around the console room and all the obstacles in his way and pointed the TARDIS towards the nearest supernova.


	5. Chapter 5

The light given off by the portal was silver and surreal. The image began like a dream sequence, cloudy, muffled and faded. People and places flew by quickly and it seemed as if the apparatus was searching for something. It was. It was seeking the TARDIS key.

The Doctor didn't expect her to still be wearing the key around her neck, but when the image cleared he saw her and his hearts stopped. She was being held closely to Mickey's chest with her face buried in his neck. He felt sick. "Why did I do this? What possessed me to torture myself with this? She's obviously moved on! How could I expect differently. I'm a fool." He ran his hands through his hair and paced in front of the portal. It took him a moment to realize that she was sobbing.

"I still miss him so much." She choked out between gasps. "I have to try to get back to him, there must be a way to cross into his universe, I can't just give up." As Mickey tried to quiet her, the supernova expired and the image was lost.

Seeing her, hearing her say that she still thought of him, that she was trying to get back to him, feeling her pain, brought him to his knees in front of the portal. "This has got to work." He whispered. "It's got to."

x13x

After calculating the time the supernova gave him to see into Pete's world and deducting how much time it took for the portal to 'find' the TARDIS key he began tabulations to give himself enough time to try and get a message through. They'd have to coordinate somehow. He wasn't sure if her environment would suffer because of the gateway. The book didn't say much about the side the traveler was coming from, but the Doctor didn't want to take a chance that other could be affected or injured by this.

In the back of his mind he also had that same fear of rejection still nagging him. Somehow he still felt that she wouldn't come through. He didn't want to convince her either. It was her choice for once. He was not dictating this decision. If she refused he'd carry on somehow. At least that's what he told himself.

Having a time machine at his disposal was handy, at least in terms of finding stars to use for power. He just had to find a relatively deserted area of the cosmos and fast forward or rewind time to the point of a star's final days. He was using a black dwarf star this time, hoping that it would give him enough time to talk to her and explain this. He wasn't going to bring her through with this attempt. But if she wanted to, the next time he opened the gateway she would walk through and into his arms, if there was such a thing as justice in these universes.

His hearts were pounding in his chest as he opened the portal for the second time. Again, the image was fuzzy. As it cleared he realized that he was looking into her bedroom and she was blessedly alone, sleeping. The image drifted closer to her and he could see the chain that held her TARDIS key around her neck, the key itself hidden inside her shirt. Her hair was loose and tousled and it was spread like a halo over her pillow. It struck him in that moment that she was beautiful. It was something that both always and never occurred to him. It was both a simple fact and awe inspiring, something like a bird flying, commonplace, accepted, yet filled with wonder.

Shaking himself from this musing he tried to wake her. "Rose," he whispered. Trying her name for the first time since that day so long ago in Norway. He realized that he never even used her name in his mind, somehow it was too painful, it made her absence too real, too raw.

"Rose," he tried again, a little louder, not sure if his voice was even carrying through the wormhole. She didn't stir.

"Rose," he tried a third time, losing some of his optimism when she still didn't wake up. Pulling on his ear, he started to look around, not entirely sure what he was looking for, inspiration perhaps.

"Doctor?" Her voice was sleep ridden and soft, and the most fantastic sound he had ever heard in his 900 plus years.

"I'm-" his voice cracked, "I'm here Rose." He was breathing heavily, fighting back tears.

She sat up in bed, looking around her room. Her face fell. "Must be dreaming again. After all this time, you'd think I'd learn." Tears welled up in her eyes and she covered her face. "I guess I'm not finished crying for you yet Doctor."

"Oh Rose, please don't cry."

She gasped and dropped her hands. "I heard that, I know I heard that."

"I'm here Rose."

"Doctor? Are you really here?" She jumped out of bed and started turning in circles, looking, searching desperately for him. "Please Doctor, where are you?"

"I'm not actually there Rose, I'm still here, in this universe, in the TARDIS. I figured it out Rose, I know how you can come back." He continued, getting more and more excited, "The TARDIS, she showed me. Well, actually there was a book in the library that I found, well, found me. Knocked me on the head it did. Still hurts-"

"Doctor!" She interrupted, "What do you mean I can come back?"

"Rose," He was tasting her name now, it was a bittersweet flavor, it felt so good to be talking to her, really talking to her, and yet it still stung because she was still far from him. So close, yet still so far. "All this time I thought that breaking through was the only method, but there's a way to construct a portal and pass through to this universe without damaging them. But it takes coordination, teamwork from both sides."

"Guess it's a good thing we always made a good team then Doctor."

He closed his eyes in relief. Even though he thought he knew that she still wanted to return to him, he needed to hear it from her mouth, her voice telling him that she still wanted to give him her forever. He still had to warn her though. "It might be dangerous Rose. This gateway, it takes a lot of power to work, and there may be consequences to the traveler. You can't open it from your side, but I can't open it and pass through it. You'll have to come back to me."

"Don't I always Doctor?"

He laughed just a little at this, he hadn't laughed in so long "Quite right." Then he sighed. "We don't have much time left."

"What do I have to do?"

"I need you to go somewhere deserted. As I said I don't know what the portal does to the traveler or the environment and I don't want to do any more damage than necessary."

"What do you mean damage?"

"It takes an enormous amount of energy to open the portal and if my calculations are correct, and they always are, Time Lord you know, it will take even more energy to allow you to pass through it. I'm getting the energy from dying stars in this universe, but as I haven't brought anyone through, I don't know if it will drain energy from your universe as well. So, I'm thinking open field or deserted beach, this way the worst we could do would be dead grass or a few jellyfish. Although I'll feel badly for the poor buggers"

"But how will I find the portal? How will you know where to open it?"

"I'm using your TARDIS key to track you. No matter where you go, as long as you have that key, the portal will always open right in front of you."

She thought about this for a moment, then asked "How long?"

He really didn't know. Time there and time in his universe didn't exactly line up. She looked the same as she did when she left him, but when he caught that glimpse of Mickey the last time he opened the portal, he looked like some time had passed. "I'm not sure."

She breathed deeply, then said "I have to say goodbye, to my mum, to Mickey, to Pete."

They were both quiet, the Doctor didn't know what to say, he wanted to apologize for ever getting her into this whole mess, but the words stuck in his throat.

Rose finally broke the silence, "Is this the first time you opened a portal to this world?"

"No, I did it once before, a test run, to see if I could find you and figure out how much power I'd need."

"I think I felt you then. I was falling apart again, and Mickey was there, trying to pick up the pieces. You were there, weren't you?"

"Yes, I saw Mickey holding you and nearly aborted the whole thing. I thought-" He stopped, unable to continue. "How long ago was that?"

"A little more than a month."

"Time moves faster in this universe than ours." He did some calculations quickly, trying to get an idea of how soon he could open another portal, one large enough to bring her through. "Rose, are you sure you want this? I don't think I'd be able to bring you back once you were through. Like I said, it's a team effort and I don't know anyone on that side who could open one of these for us."

"I'll go back to Norway. Seems appropriate. It'll take me a few weeks to get there." A look of determination passed over her features. "That enough time for you?" She stressed the word 'time" a little, almost as if she were digging at him and his Time Lord status.

The star had already gone supernova and was dying fast. He was running out of time. "Rose, I don't think I can say exactly when I can open the portal in your universe. The timelines run differently when the universes are separated. I think the soonest I can open another gateway would be in about five days here, which I think would translate to about six weeks in your universe." The image started to get blurred and he realized his time was nearly up.

"I'll be ready Doctor." The portal closed.

x13x


	6. Chapter 6

The hope that surged up inside him was almost too much to contain. It paralyzed him. He finally closed his eyes and let it wash over him. Tears fell in relief. The Doctor stared at the portal for some time after it closed reliving his conversation.

"Doctor? Are you really here?" He heard the hope and disbelief in her voice. "Please Doctor, where are you?" Even now he didn't know how he stifled the urge to try and force his way through the portal to her after hearing her call to him.

He fell into his usual babble instead, eager to talk to her, to tell her of his discovery, to see her reaction when he told her that he figured it out, that finally, finally she could come back to him, she could come home.

She interrupted him mid stream, it was like nothing had changed, like they were never parted. At that moment it didn't matter that they were universes apart. He was the Doctor and she was Rose Tyler and nothing in this world or the next could truly separate them.

"What do you mean I can come back?"

But they were a universe apart and it hurt. He was like an addict who'd gone too long without a fix and now it was so near he almost couldn't stand it. He remembered feeling almost idiotic that he hadn't thought of it sooner. That anything was truly possible, that persuasion is better than force. Work with the cosmos instead of against it.

And as if it wasn't blatantly clear by now, again life was telling him he couldn't do it alone, that he needed a teammate, a companion, he needed her.

"Guess it's a good thing we always made a good team then Doctor."

They were better together than apart, she always knew that. He was the one slow to acknowledge it. But if she decided to do this she had to know the risks. And there were risks, there were always risks. Even he didn't really know how high the costs could be. But he had to tell her, he had to be sure she knew that there was a real possibility of danger in coming back to him.

And then she reminded him again that she was always going to put him first. He'd never tire of hearing her say she wanted to come back to him. A small laugh burst out of him at her reaction, it had been so long since he felt anything at all that he couldn't contain it.

But he couldn't shake reality. And in reality he was a Time Lord, and time was running out for them. The star's power was rapidly being depleted and he still needed to tell her how, and where, and what. And she just read his mind, as usual.

"What do I have to do?"

He had a suspicion that the portal, when actually transporting a being from one universe to another, would need energy from both sides. Sacrificing life, no matter how insignificant grated on him. He needed to minimize any forfeit so he told her to go somewhere deserted, imagining a field of green grass turning brown as she walked through, or some small ocean life surrendering for his salvation.

"I have to say goodbye, to my mum, to Mickey, to Pete."

It nearly ripped him in half to be the reason for this. He would have given anything to be able to come to her. He would have forsaken this universe for her, and while that scared him, he wished he could be the one, the one to take the risk, the one to have to leave it all behind. He wanted to say something to her. To apologize for ever making her choose, to fall at her feet and thank her for caring about him this much.

"I'll be ready Doctor." The last words she said as the portal closed. She was going to come back to him.

Except for knowing how much work there was to be done in order to open the doorway in five days he would have carried on in his daydreams for an eternity. He felt as if he could fly everywhere at once and only his skin was keeping him in one piece. The excitement bubbling inside him made him almost totally useless.

But he had work to do. A significant amount of work actually. And he had promised her six weeks, which meant five days. Five short days and yet he knew they'd feel like an eternity. He'd barely have time to breathe and yet the time could not pass fast enough.

x13x


	7. Chapter 7

He was ready. He hoped she was.

He took a deep breath and powered up the doorway and she came slowly into focus again. The portal was behind her. She sat on the sand staring out toward the sea.

"Rose." He called.

She whipped around quickly and stood up. "You're late Doctor." She said with a watery smile.

"How late?"

"About four days. Some Time Lord." She laughed. Then sighed, and stared.

"Rose, are you sure?" He had to ask one more time. "There's no way to get back."

"Doctor, I wouldn't be here if I wasn't sure. I've already made my decision. You're it."

He released the breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "Right then. I'm going to adjust the power to the portal. You should see a silver light. Just walk through."

"How about if I run?" It hit him again how much he missed her. He took out his sonic to make the modification and heard her gasp. "I can see you. Didn't think I'd ever get the chance again."

With that she took off toward the portal, toward him. It took less than five seconds for her to reach the gateway, but to him it was eons. He was anxious and excited. Breathless, hearts pounding, palms sweating. Everything he never knew he always wanted was going to land in his arms. They did it.

Just as she passed the event horizon explosions started. The white dwarf star powering the portal abruptly went supernova and died out completely. The machinery installed in the TARDIS burst into flames and the smoke was enough to choke even his respiratory bypass system. The portal flickered and the TARDIS shook violently. But she was through. She was with him, finally.

"Doctor…" She whispered then fell silent.

Something was wrong, terribly wrong. She was too pale. She wasn't breathing.

He ran from the console room to the infirmary. But it was too late. He tried and tried. Using all the knowledge of human physiology he could think of. He hooked her to machines to breathe for her, machines to pump her blood for her, shot her full of adrenaline. The whole time repeating, "Please, please don't leave me."

But there was nothing he could do. The last Rose petal fell.

He fell over her prone body, sobbing. "I'm so sorry Rose. I'm so sorry."

x13x


	8. Chapter 8

Even when Pete grabbed her and transported her into the alternate universe, even then, he still felt that somehow, someway he'd get her back. He'd outsmart the universe again they would carry on as they always had. There was really no such thing as goodbye for them.

Even though she was human and would have such a short, brilliant, existence, even then it never really hit him that he would have to go on without her. There was knowing, in a cerebral, hypothetical sense, and then there was KNOWING, realizing in the literal, hit your head against a brick wall, sense. Being without her, carrying on, that was a brick wall he never saw coming.

Now, laying over her lifeless body, hours later, he wished for the strength to stand, if for nothing else than to give her a proper funeral. But he couldn't move, not yet, he felt like maybe not ever. It was hundreds of times worse than that horrible day, that Doomsday, that sent her into a parallel world. Because this, this was final, there was no cheating here, no loophole.

It was his fault he knew. It wasn't enough that she could have gone on and lived in that parallel universe with her family, with Jackie and Pete and Mickey, with people who would care for her. She could have had a fantastic life. But that life would have been without him and that wasn't acceptable. Now, because of his selfish need, she was gone, forever. Really forever. And there was nothing in this world or any parallel world that he could do about it.

And worse, so much worse than anything else, he never told her. For all their talking so much was left unsaid. All those opportunities wasted thinking there'd be a tomorrow, another sunrise, another chance.

All that was left was emptiness. All he could do was wait for his end to come.

x13x

The Doctor, caught up in his grief, didn't notice it at first. Couldn't see what was happening. Didn't feel the instant the world shifted.

Power was gathering.

A faint orange-gold glow surrounded her, growing stronger, gaining intensity. Ripples and swirls of it emanated from her and dispersed around the TARDIS. Caressing the walls with an almost familiar touch.

Finally, the light became nearly blinding and the Doctor lifted his head. He gasped and jumped away as she stood, eyes illuminated with an eerie, powerful radiance.

"Rose?" He asked in a whisper, trying to grasp what was happening.

A familiar yet foreign voice replied, "I am the Bad Wolf."

"How?" It was all he could manage to utter.

"I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself."

Words from another time, another life. So achingly familiar yet incomprehensible even now. "I took the time vortex from you! I absorbed it, this is not possible!" He was nearly in hysterics.

"I am the bringer of death, yet I give life."

That stopped him cold. Only one thought remained repeated, pounding through his mind. "Can you save her? Will you save her?"

"Everything must come to dust. All things, everything dies."

Falling to his knees, he begged, "Please."

"But not today."

And with those words the light surged back into Rose as if she breathed it in. She fell to the floor in a boneless heap. Boneless, but not lifeless. Rose Tyler lived.

x13x


	9. Chapter 9

Rose fell into a deep sleep after the Bad Wolf receded.

The Doctor sat and stared in disbelief. He was afraid to move, afraid to touch her, afraid that if he did he'd shatter this dream. Because it had to be a dream, it couldn't possibly be real. He didn't have that kind of luck.

He did allow himself to look at her. And as he gazed at her he felt something loosen inside him and finally, finally, after so much time he felt like he could breathe again. Taking a deep breath brought her scent to him and tears started to fall. He thought he knew how much he missed her but it wasn't until that moment that he truly understood how empty he felt without her. Again he was hit with how close he was to losing her forever.

He shook himself both physically and mentally, recognizing the fact that Rose was still lying on the floor. He moved over to her, running his hands over her, justifying it to himself by reasoning that he was assessing her for injuries but really he was convincing himself that she was really with him again, that this was real, that this was really happening.

He lifted her into his arms and carried her to her room. The last time he crossed this threshold he did so in mourning, in grief, looking for solace in the place that still held her within while she was a universe away. Laying her gently down, he pulled out his sonic and scanned her, checking again to be sure she was still with him, still alive, and that the Bad Wolf was no longer present. Satisfied for the moment that she was just sleeping deeply, similarly to the last time the Bad Wolf possessed her, he pulled a blanket over her and stroked her hair away from her cheek. After a moment, he moved into the chair across from her bed to keep vigil over her while she slept.

He was still puzzled by the appearance of the Bad Wolf. He was sure that he had absorbed the energy of the time vortex, had saved her from burning, it had triggered his regeneration. But it appeared that the Bad Wolf was somehow still lurking within her, lying dormant. What did this mean? Would it appear when she was in danger? As a protector of sorts? What circumstances would bring the Bad Wolf out?

He was so consumed with figuring out this new body that he didn't take the time to thoroughly check Rose after he removed the time vortex from her on Satellite 5. Of course he ensured she was safe, that she had survived the encounter with seemingly no ill effects, but he didn't take the time to really study her condition, to be sure that the time vortex and all it had caused were truly gone from her. He was distracted with the novelty of his new form and of the change itself; even his mole took priority over Rose at the time.

And she didn't remember what had transpired, nothing. Not even the ill fated kiss that allowed him to pull the time vortex from her. At that thought he looked over at her sleeping peacefully and felt his hearts clench. Feeling drained physically and exhausted emotionally, he closed his eyes put his head in his hands.

x13x

"Doctor?"

He had somehow dozed off, but hearing her call jolted him awake. He jumped out of the chair he was in; tripping a little over his feet kneeled next to her bedside. "I'm here Rose."

She turned toward him, "Yeah?"

He nodded, "Yeah."

She closed her eyes again; tears began to leak out a bit. "I thought –" her voice broke, "I thought I'd never see you again." She reached out to him a stroked a hand through his unruly hair.

Contact, that's all it took. Suddenly his world tilted and he lost his place in time. It was like a bolt of lightning surged through him. He gasped and jumped away from her, landing unceremoniously on his rear on the floor.

"Doctor?" Rose was concerned. He looked in shock, eyes wide.

To the Doctor, suddenly nothing felt the same. Images were both clearer and more blurred; sounds were muffled and sharpened, smells more pungent yet muted. But the most defining characteristic of that moment was that he never ever FELT so much.

"Doctor?" He could hear the concern in her voice but was helpless to respond. He was churning inside, electricity flying through his synapses. He felt his eyes dilating, heard the blood rushing and pounding in his ears.

It dawned on him what had happened but he didn't know how it was possible. How could it occur without the elaborate ceremony? Without his active participation? Without even his knowledge?

He looked at her again and groaned. The effect was twice as powerful. He was totally out of control.

"What's wrong?"

He didn't respond. He kept himself silent fearing that something would slip out that he would be unable to take back, something that would change things forever. He even closed his eyes, afraid of what she might read in them.

This couldn't be happening. He had to get away from her, get out of her sight until he could get himself back under control. Already the soft sound of her breathing was laying his sanity on the line. Inhaling her scent would surely shatter whatever command he had left over his body.

He scrambled toward the door as quickly as he could, trying not to listen to her calling his name. He was mostly out of her room before he got to his feet. Once in the hall he slammed the door shut behind him and rested against it, but heard her moving within. He had to get away from her. There was no alternative at this moment. He was totally out of control. He ran and sequestered himself in the library, securing the door.

"I have absolutely no right." He said to himself, to the universe. "She nearly died. It was entirely my fault. How can I possible be so selfish?" He sat behind a desk and banged his head against the top. "It's not supposed to work this way. It's supposed to be a conscious and mutual decision; not barely a whisper of a touch."

He breathed in and out slowly trying to regain his composure. "How could I have bonded with her?"

x13x


	10. Chapter 10

How he managed to make his way to the library was still a mystery to him, but even more of a puzzle was the existence of the bond in the first place. He still couldn't wrap his mind around how it had happened, couldn't make sense of it. A bond was a manifestation of the highest commitment, the deepest feeling two people could share, which was celebrated with a formal observance pledging the two beings to each other, making them one.

To deny the bond was unheard of, and he couldn't even imagine how to reverse it. But something had to be done. He had imposed on Rose enough in the time they'd been together, asking her to give up so much, never giving anything in return except a glimpse at the fantastic, the impossible. But that couldn't possibly be enough; it could never even come close.

The ache was incredible. The longing was so intense he could hardly breathe. Deep inside he felt that he didn't deserve her, but if he ever could, he swore he would be content to hold her for the rest of their lives. Be happy just to have her in his arms for as long as he could.

Staying away from her was torture, but being near her was infinitely worse. The Doctor was going slowly insane, well, not so slowly. He had been bonded before but it was never like this. It was never this intense.

Maybe it was the circumstances of the bond, maybe because he was allowed to act on it before that it wasn't this consuming, this overwhelming. But this, this was madness. He felt like a huge piece of himself that had been missing his whole life, all of his 900 years, was suddenly near, just out of his reach. Being around her was impossible, there was no way in the universe he'd be able to hold himself in check. It just wasn't possible. She'd end up giving him the "Tyler slap."

But he missed Rose terribly. Missed talking to her, missed hearing her laugh, he just missed her, in ways that had nothing to do with the bond. It was ironic really. They did the impossible, crossed a universe to be together, and now he couldn't trust himself to be in the same room with her.

The dreams were the worst part; well the waking was the worst part. She would come to him. It was painfully real, which made waking agony. She was right there with him, touching him, holding him so closely; then suddenly she was ripped away as consciousness returned. He loved the dreams yet hated them.

He didn't think it was possible that she could want him at all. He was still trying to figure out why she sacrificed so much for him. Why give up everything? Why travel so far from her family with no hope of return just to follow a very old man across time and space?

x13x

Neither Rose nor the Doctor had set foot outside the TARDIS since this whole ordeal began. In fact, they'd still be hovering outside that collapsed dwarf star if the TARDIS hadn't slipped them into the vortex while things were exploding as Rose stepped through the portal. The Doctor hadn't even tinkered with the console in ages.

The Doctor did check on Rose often though, without her notice and always from a distance. He was worried about her, about the ordeal she went through, about whether the Bad Wolf remained. He wasn't able to run any of the tests he was hypothesizing on. He wanted to enter her mind, to search for remnants of the Bad Wolf. But he couldn't dwell on that scenario because it made him want to enter for more intimate reasons, and he was having difficulty convincing himself of it being wrong.

Rose was getting better each day. She still spent much of her time in her room resting, which was a relief to the Doctor because it allowed him to move about the ship without worrying about running into her. But as her health steadily improved he started evaluating the benefits of asking the TARDIS to grow hidden corridors and chambers. He even went so far as to figure out how difficult it would be to pilot the TARDIS from his bedroom. But for now he was safe. The only place he really wanted to be was with Rose, which was the one place he now felt he'd never be able to be again, not in his current state.

He tried to carry on the best that he could. He felt almost like a voyeur, stealthily sneaking through the corridors, peeking into her room, watching her from a distance, and missing her so badly it was almost worse than when she wasn't there at all. Almost, but not quite.

Then, one day, Rose went looking for the Doctor.

x13x


	11. Chapter 11

It was late, well relatively speaking. Of course, time was not something that meant much in the vortex. But, the Doctor had been monitoring Rose's sleeping habits and by her biorhythmic standard, it was late. So, it should have been safe to enter the console room. It should have been.

But Rose was onto the Doctor. It didn't take her long to realize he was running, hiding from her. She really thought this time would be different, that they crossed that bridge already and burned it. Apparently not. So even though it was late and she was exhausted, she waited for him, knowing that eventually he'd make his way to the console, knowing he'd be unable to stay away forever. Eventually they'd have to leave the vortex, and when he finally made his way to the controls, she'd be there, waiting for him.

The lights were low in the console room when he walked in and he didn't see her at first. As he entered something tickled his nose. He stopped, sniffed the air and looked around. It felt like Rose was here. But he was sure she'd already be in her room, in her bed. Shaking his head to clear it, he continued toward the console to tinker and soon was sliding underneath.

Rose made her move. "Doctor." She called, standing over his twitching feet.

The Doctor, startled, nearly concussed himself by banging his head into the console. "Ouch. Damn that hurt." His senses were accurate, she was here. "Rose, you should be sleeping, what are you doing in here?"

"Why are you running from me?"

"I'm not running." Deciding to try the ignorant route, he continued, "The TARDIS has been acting strangely, you probably haven't noticed, but she's been needing my attention."

"Is this how it's going to be between us now?"

"Rose, please, I just need to fix the TARDIS." The last thing he wanted was to be confronted, especially unexpectedly. He still hadn't adjusted to the bond, still wasn't totally in control, and he really wished she'd just step away from him so that he could climb out from under this hunk of celestial metal without whacking himself in the head again and run for the safety of, well, anywhere Rose wasn't. "Go get some sleep; you're still not recovered completely."

For a second he thought she was going to listen to him. The Rose he knew before the incident at Torchwood would have. The Rose before she spent time in the parallel universe would have nodded her head, maybe even crying silent tears, would have walked away. But this Rose, this Rose who risked her life, crossed a universe and even stared death right in the eye, she stood firm.

"I'm not going anywhere. If you're not running, come out here and talk to me."

"Rose-"

"Fine." She huffed, and then climbed under the console with him.

He banged his head again. "Bloody hell, I'll be brain damaged before long."

She laughed, "You should have come out."

"It's not funny."

"Let me see what you did to your head." She reached out to him and he recoiled. "Come on Doctor, those were two solid knocks, let me see if you're ok."

"I'm fine Rose." There was no way he was going to let her get any closer to him. The quarters were too close for his piece of mind already.

"Doctor." She reached out again, this time, she managed to get her hands into his hair.

Her touch felt so good, he gasped. Remembering himself, he tried to pull away even though all he wanted to do was lean into her touch.

"See, you're in pain," mistaking his quick inhale for hurt, she tried to move closer.

"No Rose, please," he closed his eyes tightly; "please don't touch me."

"Doctor, what's going on? What's wrong?"

The situation was getting worse and worse, "Just leave me alone, please." He was begging her.

She stayed under the console for another few seconds; then he heard a short inhale and could almost feel her tears before she quickly climbed out. He sighed deeply, "Rose wait."

She stopped near the hallway, but didn't turn around. He made his way out from under the console carefully trying not to hit his head again.

"Do you know what the one though running through my mind standing on that damn beach was?" She was crying, her voice was choppy, broken.

He didn't respond.

She turned around. "That I'd never get to look into your eyes again, that this was going to be the last time I ever got to see you, to see them. That some grainy image was going to be the last time I ever got to look into them."

"Rose-"

"Then you find this way, this fantastic wish comes true and I realize that I'm going to get to look into your eyes again. So I follow your instructions, I wait and wait. I leave my family and hope like hell that somehow this crazy idea works, and then this portal opens and I run as fast as I can toward it, but something wasn't right and then I'm dying right in your arms. But it was okay. It was okay Doctor because it was your arms and I was looking into your eyes." She looked at him, "But somehow, by some miracle I came back to you and I got to look into your eyes again."

"Rose," he began but couldn't finish.

"And now, after all this, you run from me, avoid me. Tell me Doctor, did something change? Why work so hard to bring me here if you so obviously don't want to be around me."

"Rose, it's not that. It's not that at all. I just… I just can't be around you right now." Even to his ears that sounded ridiculous. And the hurt look on her face confirmed it. "No, that's not right. Rose, it's just complicated." He started pulling on his ear. "It's hard to explain, you see, I don't know how it happened, but it did, and I can't seem to undo it, I…" He looked at her, she seemed confused. "I'm not making sense am I?"

"I feel like such a fool."

"Rose, no, I'm just not explaining this well."

She shook her head, "I don't know you at all do I?"

Now he was confused, and his head really hurt. "Rose, you know me better than anyone, ever."

She laughed a little. "Maybe, but that doesn't mean I know you."

"Rose, you do know me-"

"No, I really don't. In fact, I don't even know your name, not your real name."

"Rose, I can't." She looked down and away from him. "You don't understand what you're asking, what you're committing to."

At this she looked up and at him, into him. "Then tell me."

"Rose…" He wasn't going to. He knew he had no right to impose this on her, just like he had no right to inflict this bond on her, but he saw a divergence in the future, and he knew he needed her, and while she might turn away anyway, she definitely wouldn't stay if he didn't tell her what was going on. "Rose, I have no right, and I promise I'll try to fix this, as soon as I figure out how.

"Fix what Doctor?"

"I've imposed on you, I didn't mean to, I couldn't help it." He was trying to explain while still not actually saying it, not admit that he couldn't control himself when she touched him, that even being near her was wreaking havoc on him emotionally.

"Doctor," she moved closer to him, invading his space and trying to look into his eyes. "Stop avoiding this, avoiding me. Just tell me." Finally he allowed her to look at him and see, really see and what she saw in his eyes was fear. "You're scared."

He was going to brush it off, going to deny it, but having her near him, after everything they went through, he just couldn't, he wasn't strong enough to spare her any longer, he needed her too much. "I've bonded to you Rose." He hung his head, defeated, waiting for her reaction, placing himself at her mercy.

Rose knew that this was important, that it was significant, but she really didn't know exactly what that meant. "I don't understand." He sighed. "I don't understand, but I want to."

He looked up, a little startled that she was still willing to hear him, to let him explain. "It means that we…" he swallowed, gathering himself, "that I joined with you, emotionally." He stopped, waiting for her reaction. She continued to look at him, processing. "It gets worse, you see," He grabbed at the back of his neck and started pacing, "I've been bonded before, but not like this, never this strong, and never spontaneously. There's usually a whole ritual, a ceremony, mutual participation." Then he stopped, in front of her, "And I can't reverse it."

"Why?"

"I don't know how it happened Rose-"

"No Doctor. Why do you want to?"

He was stunned, completely shocked, dumbfounded. All he could muster was, "Huh?"

" I've told you before, but you never believe me. I'm never going to leave you."

"Rose, you can't mean… you can't possibly feel-"

"What do you know of how I feel?" Pointing to her chest she asks, "Are you in here?" then to her head "or here? You play at knowing everything but you've got no idea have you? The lonely god, never able to hold onto those he loves. Well maybe that's partly because you never try to hold onto them. Maybe it's not that you love them enough to let them go, maybe you don't love them enough for them to want to stay. Maybe you never show it. I'm not the mind reader Doctor, you are. And I need the words."

He thought he knew how this would go. Thought of the possibilities, but even in the best outcomes he considered, he never even dreamt it could go this way. "Rose, are you sure?"

"Just tell me Doctor, after all, I told you." The bond was pulling on him so strongly he could barely stand it. But actually telling her how he felt, saying it out loud, was still hard for him. But then she upped the ante and closed the distance between them and placed her hand on his cheek. "It's okay, I promise."

He shivered at her touch and the words poured out of him, "Rose, I missed you so much, and I really didn't mean for this to happen." He looked into her eyes before continuing. Rose gasped at what she saw there. "But I can't hide it anymore, and I can't stop it. I need you Rose, so badly, and, he paused, taking a deep breath, "I love you."

"About time you said it." Slowly she slid even closer to him, her hands moving to the back of his neck and playing in the hair at his nape.

He closed his eyes, anticipating her kiss. Every nerve in his body was acutely attuned to her, waiting for her touch, aching for it with an overwhelming intensity. Nothing could have prepared him for the feel of her though. It nearly brought him to his knees and suddenly he was terrified again, afraid of embarrassing them both with this need, with this want. Just as her lips were a breath away from his, he whispered, "This is going to be a disaster."

Rose recoiled abruptly, hurt. "What?"

"No Rose, it's not you. You're perfect. It's me." Mortified, he continued, "This body, it's so sensitive, nothing like my others, and you're driving me so crazy with the slightest of touches that we're in imminent danger of… well, having the top of my head blow off in about ten seconds flat."

"Figure of speech right?" She looked a bit scared herself.

"What?"

"You don't mean this is actually going to end with the top of your head coming off, do you?"

"Rose, no, don't be ridiculous." He started blushing, the tips of his ears turning bright red.

"Well how am I supposed to know? You point out all the time that you're an alien. How am I supposed to know what it's going to… what it's like when… you know." She paused, then she turned a little red too, "I mean we're headed that way right?"

"Oh, I hope so." Then he half smiled. "But promise me we'll go slowly. I don't think I'd survive the completion of the bond if we don't."

"Completion? I thought you said we were already bonded."

"I am, but it's not whole yet. You… well, you have to umm, participate too, I mean, if you want to."

"Oh, I want to Doctor." She grinned mischievously. "What do I have to do?"

"You can start by kissing me."

"Thought you'd never ask." She started moving toward him again, with intent.

"Please, be gentle with me."

"I promise."

They moved together, almost smashing noses, mouths meeting, both softly moaning at the contact, at the feeling of coming home, finally.


End file.
